I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
