I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
