Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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