I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...