you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
