and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
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I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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