Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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