I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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