part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
