the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She needs sedatives and a leash
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
