I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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