6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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