My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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