Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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