ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
