i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
