I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
