I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
