I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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