You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
