What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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