ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
