she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
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I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Im part way to drunk.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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