it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
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Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...