Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.