I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
50% drunk capacity currently
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.