she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now