dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character