Moan for me like Helen Keller
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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