you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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