Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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