i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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