I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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