If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
