I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
