oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
