so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
