I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
