She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
