they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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