God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
