i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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