So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
