The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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