We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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