Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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