That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
