if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
