Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
