Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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