New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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