I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Are we in a gay sports bar?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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