If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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