I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
