Umm I'm too high to move.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
