I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
