all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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