So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
