sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Even my vagina gasped.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
