we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
