the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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