Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
