another moral hangover. fuck.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
