you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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