why didn't you poke me back
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
