How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
